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This article is fascinating, not so much bc it raises any novel points but bc the person who wrote it is a disillusioned ex-Adobe-fanboy who recognizes their anti-consumer practices, but has not given up the delusion that modern Adobe products are actually The Best and not in fact just The Most Colorful And Shiny
PSA: Unless you work in the industry you need them for work, There is literally no reason to pirate Adobe products. They're overbloated, crash constantly and most of the "cutting edge features" are either AI slop or just shittier versions of what you can do in separate programs like Blender. while im at it, heres some alternatives:
Photoshop? GIMP or Krita depending on the usecase, Krita is a godteir drawing app and GIMP is basically just Photoshop minus the bullshit
Illustrator? Inkscape, it may not look sexy but it's everything you'd realistically need from a vector program and then some
Aftereffects? Jesus Christ it's just a motion graphics/VFX program, just learn Blender it can do more and it's not as hard as it looks, i promise
Premier Pro? i mean there's a ton of good video editors, but personally i really like Shotcut, the program itself is great but know going in there isn't good documentation and most YouTubers making tuts for it don't really know what there talking about, partly bc shotcut has a really unique modular design that isn't obvious from the get go, specifically the way masks work is unlike other videos and it uses them in a really versatile (albeit a bit obtuse at first). if you're looking for a more convention video editor, those ofc exist, but i can't think of any examples at the moment. all my short films are edited and largely composited in Shotcut, so it's definitely competent, just slightly experimental but not by TOO much (again masks just work in a weird way that'll take awhile to make sense)
Lightroom? ngl im pretty sure this one only exists for business reasons. we don't need to invent photo editing again. we already did that. any competent raster program can do advanced color grading and shit and whatever rudundent shit fucking Adobe Lightroom does, stop reinventing the wheel! sincerely though, whenever i see professional designer using what, from my understanding at least, is basically a professional-grade version of like, a mobile phone photo editor, i kinda just have to wonder how we got here? this is why we need to educate the masses on what open source means(so basically just GIMP again lol)
//
Laptops are like the small dogs of computers. They are compact, wonderful, and full of everything a computer ought to offer, and yet at the same time they are cursed with health problems and doomed to die young. Computers were not meant to be that small and portable. Computers were made to be boxes, divorced of keyboards and monitors, that sit upon a table. Even as I type this, I must be caution to to stim too wildly, lest I accidentally slaughter this very laptop before it's gotten to experience even one mere a year of age. A desktop can last over a decade, strong and resilent. Most quality laptops live to be circa five years of age, maybe more if they are cared for with the upmost love, less if abused and held with it's hinged agape in a single hand (don't do that btw it's really bad for it's structural integrity). A low-end laptop is like a pug: Doomed to die before it's truly experienced life, unable to live in the same way even my Docsen-esque Ideapad could. By compacting the humble computer to this form, which I adore for it's boons of traversal and accessiblity nonetheless, we limit it's lifespan, a punishment for our hubris. Nevertheless, much like an owner of a small dog, I love these freaks of nature with all my heart even though they are the body-horror of PCs.
In case you're curious, Smartphones are like a fish in a small tank. Fairly-low-maintence, colorful, offers menial entertainment, basically dead the moment you turned it on for the first time
Edit: But imagine the fish had psychic powers and held ill will over you
//
I just realized that Psychopathic Juggallo Car is just the left-wing version of Joker Car and now I'm inflicting that information onto you! :3
Ok, now that i've got that out of my system the "serious" creative work update I promised:
Production of Exodus In Outtabounds (that web-film of mine that got haulted immediately after pre-production) is still on hold due to me and my family reorganizing the garage, and thus the living room being too crowded to set up the new greenscreen. I guess at some point I could try recording maybe like, one of the "reality" scene but the bulk of the script/film is set in a surreal dark fantasy world that acts as a metaphor for the protagonists emotional jounrey and character development. I genuinely don't know when the house will be ready for the green setup but I did move a lot of stuff out of the garage, and my grandfather sealed half the concrete floor, so we're maybe like halfway done. Sorry for the delay, I'm sure, like, maybe two ppl who visit this site were excited for the film after seeing the VFX prep I posted for it lol. It'll enter production hopefully someday very soon, and since most of it will be done in front of a greenscreen and I'm play basically all but two of the characters, hopefully production shouldn't take *too* long, other than the animation I have to do which might take a bit long than just acting in front of a greenscreen
Secondly, I'm working on yet another game, some screenshots:
No clue when this game might be done. This one likely won't come out on itch.io, unless I can get my paypal up and running. I'm gonna try to get it on steam when it's further done in development. If it's not obvious by the screenshots, it's a very in-depth ImmSim with a cyberpunk setting. To give a quick (and very surface-level) rundown of the story it's set in a world where everyone has a "Neurochip" put in their head at birth, and you play as a character named Jessica B. Wauzht, a shut-in computer wiz who figured out how to jailbreak her neurochip, cutting her off from the corpo-run puppet government's mind surveilence. She wasn't going to use this new-found privacy to liberate the A.U. (American Union, it's set in a alternate timeline) from it's techno-fuedalist ruler, but a mysterious bio-entity (who may or may not be real) convinces her otherwise...
The game will be called "CYBER-SOMATIC"
So far, there is some solid gameplay, only two levels are "complete" (in the sense that you can beat them) but one of them need a LOT of polishing for me to be happy with it, probably a sidequest in that specific level, but for the meantime I'm moving on to other levels and I'll come back to that one. I have the story "scripted" (I have a detailed outline, basically, so I have a plan going in and development won't aimlessly spiral out of control) there's going to be a total of seven missions (not counting a handfull of very short connecting sequences, three of which will take place on the same subway which I need to remember to model at some point lol, right now I'm working on the actual missions though) so not a super long game but since this might honestly be my commercial debut, it's probably good to just work on quality over quantity
This also doesn't mean I won't be working on any other side projects in Godot, i'll probably need to if I need a break from this project but not gamedev as a whole. I struggle to finish something if it's the sole thing I'm working on anyway, my stupid AuDHD brain need creative varity lol (so as always, don't be surprise if I release a little something free on itch, that doesn't mean CYBER-SOMATIC is cancelled, just that my brain be like that or whatever.)
//
Christian power metal band called "Fuckerson" who talks about how baller Jesus was and how much pussy he got.
When questioned on it, they responded "Hey man, we don't condone like, whitewashing Jesus. You can be any race or ethno-religeon or whatever and still go hard, especially if you're the most baller dude in Bethlaham!" to which the interviewer responds "That's great to hear but not really what I asked."
Most metalheads have no idea what to even think of them bc it's very unclear whether this is actually who they are or highly-committed satire, but they make actually some pretty solid melodic power metal.
I promise i'll have something serious to talk about at some point soon.
//
We talk so much about scifi nerds who have analytical media literacy skills and the scifi nerds who missed the point that we forget the third, secret, and most fun catagory:
Scifi nerds who aren't trained to be media literate in the more traditional sense, but have an intuitive knack for "analyzing" media in a semi-concious way while retaining thematic information, so they end up having a really radical anti-establishment leftist worldview bc they learned it from like Star Trek and cyberpunk fiction and shit, but on some level believe they're "apoltical" bc they don't think of it as "this far-right movement in America is clearly a fascist movement, which there is a solid definition of, and this is dangerous to excuse", they think of it as "Guys that crusty cheeto is OBVIOUSLY evil. I mean, thinks he's God and full of hate and bigotry? Literally an evil AI like SHODAN and AM. Rich guy who just buys his way into power for nefarious purposes? Every human cyberpunk villian. He's literally into eugenics, he's like a fugly crusty version of KHAN from Star Trek. Y'all why are we letting him get away with this shit. He's ruining America. I mean, I know America has never been perfect, but we were doing pretty good under Obama, at least he TRIED to do SOMETHING about the broken healthcare system. Do you think the citizens Interprise have to pay for medic? Literally how did Trump beat Hillary in the first place? I mean, I know she's not that forward thinking, but at least she's fit to lead, unlike THAT GUY! Is it because she's female? Guys if we wanna get out of the bad cyberpunk future and into the good future we gotta live in a gender-blind society where we judge leaders based of they're individual merit instead of superficial things like race or gender. Guys we can use science to change someone's sex now. People are inventing new genders. That's kinda like cool ngl. Like some speculative fiction shit. Why are you upset at those ppl for doing that? Let the transgender ppl cook. They're innovators - UNLIKE THAT FUCKING TALENTLESS HACK ELON MUSK! OMG DID YOU SEE HIS PATH OF EXILE BULLSHIT? I have said it TIME and TIME AGAIN: The REAL Fake Gamers are the anti-woke gamegate dipshits. Like projecting much? Those assholes don't care about the joys of gaming, they just wanna use it as a trojan horse to bring their weird fucking political views into it. Can you stop with that MAGA politcizing bullshit. You didn't have to bring your weird hateful politics into great games like Deus Ex. You don't even understand it. No, the NSF aren't the "real villian", the whole fucking point flew over your head. Those were regular ppl that were driven to do bad things by a desperate situation that robbed them of their morality. JP Denton STARTS OUT the story working for the UNATICO, but then he starts seeing the cracks in the system and takes on the true villian: Evil tech corpos secretly running the government who want to transcend into godhood and make the commonfolk worship them. It's called a fucking character arc, but NO! You got stuck on "transhumanism" bc you don't fucking know what etymolgy is I guess. Literally it's about the uber-wealthy trying to eradicate the poor. LITERALLY WHAT'S GOING ON RIGHT NOW THIS IS RLY BAD GUYS!!!!"
fuck i understand and lowkey empathize with this very specifically kind of person way too well
//
-Dungeon Mosh (Power metal, folk metal, melodic heavy metal)
-Dark Dungeon Mosh (Black metal, melodic death metal, gothic metal) Additional notes: Powerwolf technically belongs here
-SHODAN's Cybernetic Evil Music (industrial metal, glitch metal, electronicore, digital hardcore) Additional notes: I've been playing the System Shock 2 remaster it's really good; KILL KRYPTO! goes here ofc
-Beautiful Math (Good prog metal [like Opeth, Dream Theater or Gojira], Ddjent, prog-metalcore [but like the really emotional kind])
-Technically-Impressive Penis Music (this is a corner of shame specifically reserved for the band Sleep and their ilk. The fact that there are people on this earth that willing subject themselves to that fucking album with the fuckers on horseback and find that corrupt-jazz-noise that technically would be considered music keeps me up at night. Complexity don't mean shit if it sounds like ass in the end. It sounds like someone held a free-improvisation band at gunpoint and made them record a session on the spot into a tin can microphone the armed highjackers bought on Temu. Atheist also kind of sucks but they aren't quite as bad i guess.)
-Are YOU New To METAL MUSIC? Start HERE! (mainstream metal/metalcore) Additional notes: You have to say the full name every time, no shortening this one
-Doofuscore (Nu metal, glam metal, Thrash metal) Additional notes: (non-derogatory)
-Unsorted Metal (these will be sorted later. New catagories will be made if nessessary)
(This is a joke don't yell at me)
//
So... I just tried to create a page on Aesthetics Wiki for "Warren Spectre Games" bc those games have a really distinct aesthetic and I thought SOMEONE ought to document it
Problem is... Fandom (the wiki site) REALLY sucks. Like, I know you already knew that, but it didn't fully hit me just how poorly-designed it is until I actually tried to add a page. It fails at the most basic forms of software design, just like... communicating basic information to the user
My experience in using their editor was mostly just me going "what the fuck is even happening". Like it's that bad. It told me something along the lines of "There is currently no text on this page. You can index search for it's name in other articles, but you do not have permission to edit this page", which A) Could you have possibly worded that in a more confusing way and B) This gives me more questions than answers. Who's permission? The wiki mods' or Fandom's? Why would I even need permission to edit on fucking Aesthetics wiki anyway? Most Wikipedia articles don't even ask for permission, they just correct mistakes or incorrect information afterwords? If it's Fandom's "permission" (which I have a hunch it is) why? I already confirmed my email address. Has it not yet gone through? Do I need to do something else before I can add to wikis? What is it? Why not just tell me what I have to do, that seems like software/web design 101. If it's a per-basis thing? Why was it rejected? Literally could I have any other information? I'll never know bc Fandom is just a bad piece of software.
//
New song out on the website/the Internet Archive! It's called 49970. It's at the top of the music player as of writing
You also give it a quick listen on the home tab! The new "featured media" thing is now under "featured post". Hopefully that should make things more conveinent when I have something new available
//
I heard someone say recently that the quote "You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become a villian" is basically Hawk Tuah Girl's character arc and that haunts me with it's accuracy.
I also started thinking about it again bc I saw a VOD of Vinny Vinesauce playing a bunch of weird mario fangames and rom hacks and one was just SM64 but you played as Hawk Tuah Girl (yeah idk either)
//
I know purtanism being on the rise (and how that relates to internet culture) isn't exactly an original conversation, but I do think a big thing ppl gloss over is what I'd call the "Death of Erotica" so to speak
Basically, pornography has been mostly been normalized, or at least destigmatized. That ofc isn't nessessarily a bad thing on it's own at all, but the problem lies in the difference between "porn" and "erotica", the latter meaning art or fiction that's both sexually explicit AND cares about it's artistic and/or narrative merit
The thing is, a lot of the art we call "porn" online isn't actually porn. Porn would imply it exists solely for the sake of exploiting the viewer sexual desires, but a lot of that kind of stuff cares just as much about self-expression of the artist and storytelling as it does about being titulating. Most ppl (on the internet) don't know what "erotica" means but they know what porn is, so they mislabel art and writing that has actual merit simply because it's sexual or fetishistic as well. Combine that with big companies selling medocre stories meant for the widest audience possible, the notion of "sex sells" gets thrown to the wayside, and you get a culture with a self-infantilized view of human sexuality
Anything sexually explicit is labeled as "porn", thus great art doesn't get recognized either because it contains erotic/nsfw sequences, or in some (honestly insane) cases just because the artist has made something erotic in the past
I kind of have to wonder, once MAGA falls, how we're going to re-learn how to accept sex as something that doesn't need to hushed and shunned.
//
Well, didn't get a wink of sleep last night, but I DID make this cool collage:
"please do not shoot the monster that lurks in the woods. they are docile, sapient; god is watching and murder is a sin seldom forgiven."
//
New 2D art! Been trying to get back into the swing of it:
(hover for titles)
//
NGL, i've been feeling real shit the last couple of days. Idk if it's burnout or if I'm sick again (I HAVE been feeling pretty nauseous, idk if that's just stress though) but I just feel like shit, both physically and emotionally. At first I thought I was having a bout of depression but now I'm not so sure bc I WANT to feel better and I wanna do creative stuff, but I just don't have the energy or the inspiration
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Friendly reminder to myself and others who are going through some shit rn: You are enough, you are beautiful, your body is yours and yours only, you are worthwhile and no one else has the right to take any of that away from you. You have an inherent right to be happy and don't let anyone else make you feel lesser to them for being who you are
You are worthwhile and you should love yourself, this is not negotiable. Be kind to yourself and love yourself, you don't deserve to be unhappy and to feel inferior for your identity. This goes for everyone reading this, you are valid
//
Slept basically 24 hours yesterday (with a moment of awakeness in the middle, granted) and I'm glad to be awake during the day but jesus christ does oversleeping make you groggy and moody
//
This is like, the third image I ever drew of Ekko:
I don't often post old art (maybe I should though) but idk there's something about this little sketch that makes me unreasonably happy in a way that's hard to describe. I didn't know "who" ekko was yet. I hadn't developed them as a character. Their name was gonna be Rez/Sioux at first (in reference to Siouxie Sioux and Trent Reznor) but I felt like pick gothic icons references for a name was too generic for a bat fursona so I ended up with something even more predictable somehow lol
But Ekko looks so happy here. Can't even contain his joy or keep her feet on the ground. It's so cute and oddly wholesome in a way that's so hard tranlate to the campy empathetic-sweetheart-pretends-to-be-a-cartoon-villian-without-doing-anything-actually-evil type character that Ekko is today, and yet I want this kind of joy for them. I wanna feel it with them, y'know? Now that I've figured out Ekko as a character, and their silly antics are more peppy-goth than cute lil ball of spunk (especially since I decided on their canoc height being a foot taller than my actually height, specifically to overcome my insecurities about being too tall which largely worked tbh!), it's kind of hard to express myself through Ekko in such an unadulterated way. Maybe I should let the funi bat be spazzy and carefree sometimes, as a treat ;3
They should also where shorts and thigh-highs more, they look cute in them. I'd probably swap the harness for an actual top lol. Seems kinda trashy and a bit much now, but I wanted to explore my queer indentity a bit, sue me lol
It is interesting to see Ekko with this body type now though. More recent depictions have it a bit close to my actual body type, granted, still with a slightly fatter ass than I actually have (a body insecurity I'll never fully get over, I feel. Although I'm a bit more comfy making self-depricating jokes about being "too flat" so progress I guess?) but now I cartoon-i-fy the torso less and let the potbelly be a bit more prominent (and closer to how my real body looks)
Hell, why not an example of that too:
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this one was made at the time where I was rly solidifying Ekko's design as it would stick!
//
I love making two or three posts in one sitting.
//
Sometimes I think about the sort of unspoken "rules" anthro/funny animal characters in relation to stylization
Like, I'm sure you probably know this general idea: the less cartoony/more semi-realistic the artstyle, the weirder it becomes if the characters don't where pants. It doesn't come across as odd that Donald Duck doesn't where pants bc he's so cartoony. Psuedoregalia sort of subverts this "rule" for the sake of sex appeal
But I feel like another one that's generally understood but less spoken about is the "rules" around anthro characters wearing shoes. The more "realistic" the anatomy (as, the closer it gets to what sapient humanoid animal-people might actually look like if they were real) the weirder it could potentially be for the characters to wear shoes, assuming they're shaped the way human shoes are, bc it's just inherently "icky" for that to have feet that look too human (not 100% why that is, but i feel like most of us can agree that is weird and aesthetically unappealing lol). Sonic is OK bc he's such a cartoon. It's like Kirby, you're not primed to thing about it logically, unless your friend is trying to creep you out as a joke. But with how I (and a lot of other furries) draw anthro characters, you have to give them paws for feet (and hands, but that's a big easier. As long as they're at least a *bit* paw-like and don't, for some ungodly reason, give them human fingernails, why would you do that, you're probably gonna be fine.) This means they either have to be "digitgrade" (usually not actually digitgrade. It's generally, in the furry fandom at least, done with human legs, just having them "walk on their tip-toes" in the same way a human would if you were to stand in that way, and then giving them paws, or hooves or whatever idk depends) or if they ARE plantigrade, you need to draw the toe of the shoe to be more round and symetrical, to indicate there's a paw (again, or hoof if it's like a goat or smth) under there. Sometimes I see furry artists draw the shoe looks too "human" and it grosses me out, i don't know if i'm alone in that pet peeve but i'm guess i'm not. Usually i can tell it isn't intentional bc they have hand-paws, just a design oversight
//
Indie game devs aren't competing with (and sometimes out-competing) AAA devs bc the general idea of "the videogame industry is in shambles". That's too vague of an example, market anomolies generally require more specificity and nuance to understand. Indiedevs are rivaling and/or surpassing AAA devs specifically for several reasons:
1) Most modern AAA games just kinda suck. They're either live-service slop, open-world task-a-thon games that don't seem to understand why ppl like open-world games (it's not just that they're big, you can even have a rly good modestly-scoped open-world game like indiedevs often do, it's the sense of exploration, adventure and immersion they provide, you can't get lost in the world if it's screaming at you to go here on the minimap and do x thing, let me explore dammit!) or they're just mildly-interactive """cinamatic""" games that aren't actually all that cinematic bc they're so emmbarressed of their own artistic medium that they end up shoving their gamey-ness in your face by taking all the wrong lessons away from Kojima. When a recent AAA game turns out to be *REALLY FUCKING GOOD*, it's a big deal in discussions bc it's exciting to see a big company let the artist-types work their magic and actually make something that's designed to actually be enjoyed by a fucking human being
2) The bar of entry for making a game on your own or with a couple of friends is much lower now as of fairly recently. Indiedev has been wildly democratized. There was a time where beginner devs expectations had to be a lot more dampered than now. There were certain genres that were just off limits. You didn't have the tools and resources the big guys did. Now, you do have the same kinds of tools as the big dogs, and as long as you can manage a realistic scope for you're project and it's development time, you can make whatever game you want. You can just do that now, providing you know how to use the tools. If you already know how to make music and low-poly 3D art, you're most of the way there to making a game bc you can just download Godot and learn GDScript pretty easily bc it's a beginner-friendly and dev-friendly language made specifically for gamedev
3) Most successful indiedevs aren't really "tech ppl" in the traditional sense. They're artists, they approach gamedev from an artistic angle inspired by both their regular art influences and the games that inspire them. And, if you can make a game that looks very unique and stylized, that'll catch ppl's eye in a way "photorealism" never will. AAA games visual style has become really hemogenous, where as indie games keep looking weirder and thus more eye-catching
It's like how A24 films keep outperforming most Blockbusters. Corps have gotten so big and CEOs have gotten too cocksure while being more and more out-of-touch that they think they understand what ppl want better than the artists, so you get bad corporate meida that feels like it wasn't even made with humans in mind.
//
The Onion is rly impressive rn bc they still manage to make funny and effective satire at a time where the government is an active clownshow. like how
//
UPDATE: I got the AMD auto-installer to work. Thank fucking god. Protip to anyone who's getting error 195: Turn off ALL the firewalls for the install, not just the "active" one. That'll prevent Error 195 and once you've downloaded that you should be good to go! I'm still gonna keep the "AMD-Compatibility" version of MATTERPUNK on itch.io as an option, in case someone has really bad internet and can't get the new drivers, just in case! But I will be able to make (and play!) games on Forward+ so thank god! It's now 3 in the morning though lol
So... if you haven't heard the bad news, a recent AMD drivers update had a massive bug that broke all Godot games that use specifically use the Forward+ (Vulkan) rendering device. This is, unfortunately, the most common rendering device for Godot devs to use bc of the creative freedom it provides for art direction
AMD, initially not realizing how prominent and widely-used the Godot engine is, took a bit longer than expected to rush out a bug fix, reasonably making a lot of people very angry, which finally prompted them to do so. Problem is, Windows fucking sucks more than ever now and AMD drivers are borderline impossible to install manually, and the auto-install program doesn't work if you don't have a 100% consistent connection, meaning I have to just hope to fucking god my drivers get updated automatically via a windows update. If that ever happens at all (like it presumably did with the update that just broke everything) it will probably be ages because AMD JUST put that update out and as far as I know it's so far only a manual download if you can potentially get that to work on your system if your lucky. Obviously, they'll roll it out automatically, but god fucking knows if or when I'll actually recieve that bc unlike OTHER tech megacorporations, Microsoft is not only evil, but also wildly incompetent and can't do anything fucking right ever. This has only gotten worse over time.
So, bc Matterpunk is (imo) won of the best games I've ever made, and because it's set on Forward+, I made an AMD-Compatibility build that you can download on MATTERPUNKS Itch.io page. It won't look as good, I tried to best recreate my original artistic intent by making several post-processing adjustments, and i think i did the best i could with what i was given, but it will at least work on modern AMD processors, both now and in the future
//
Charlie looking beautiful (as always) uwu
the reason she's off model is bc that's how i draw her eyes when she's flirting with someone lol
been try to get back into drawing, just bc it's something i need to get back on every so often, that's just how it goes for me lol. usually drawing whatever OC of mine ive been thinking about the most helps me get back into via hyperfixation, and ive been thinking about Charlie May a lot bc she's a comfort character of mine and ive got a huge crush on her as some of you probably know
i also did this ekko drawing, which is much less polished and more of a quick doodle:
//
ive said this before, but we rly need a furry slang term for "i draw realistically plus sized body types bc i want my body type represented and/or bc i have a type, but in a preference way and not in a cartoonish fetish way"
ofc there's nothing wrong with having a fatfur/inflation kink and it's not fetish artists fault that i run into this problem (erotic and fetish art, despite cultural stigma, isn't necessarily less artistically valuable than the kind of stuff that i do, for the record. erotica CAN be "high art"/avant-garde if it wish to be, and if anything IM the one to took the "easy way out" by chasing a vision that cisheteronormative culture finds more "respectable" even if it still scares normies in other ways just bc its weird), but it's annoying that it takes so many words to explain to ppl (especially outside the fandom) that there's a big difference between me drawing my fursona with a body type similar to mine or me drawing my oc Charlie with a body shape that plenty of real middle-aged women actually have, and ppl drawing huge extra thicc furries bc they're into that shit in a freaky way, also making it clear that it's still not ok to kinkshame the latter group bc its rude and puritanical to shove you nose into the business of a bunch of consenting adults who are hurting anybody
//
tbh if VFX artists unionized it'd probably make movies a lot better very quickly. bare minimum, we'd starting getting much better CGI, and given how big studios are misusing CGI rn in a very artless and unimaginative way, it *might* takes a bit of the CGI direction back into the hands of like, y'know the directors. When producers for like the MCU and shit use CGI and greenscreens they do so in the most bland and unimaginative way possible
not an instant fix, certainly won't unfuck the entire film and TV industries, im just saying that VFX artists unionizing and gaining more autonomy for their own labor would be a step in the right direction for ppl who want films to be good and/or want CGI to look good and be used in creative and exciting ways
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I started watching Twin Peaks recently, I'm two and a half episodes in. So far it's REALLY good, I've only ever appriciated David Lynch's style from a distance (especially as the autuer who's style inspired Silent Hill) but damn is this show exactly my shit, more than I expected it to be. His directorial style manages to make even the most mundane situations deeply surreal, and it walks the line between funny and unnerving so well, sometimes dipping into one or the other. The mystery, while really compelling, is weirdly not what what's keeping me hook. It's mainly the character writing and just the surreal nature of it. So many scenes, and I say this with great admiration, feel like they were written and directed in a dream. The characters talk in a way that's too hazey and meandering to be flashy or cinematic, and too stylized and snappy to be naturalistic, the dialog is in this weird limbo where the characters don't really talk like real ppl, but they also don't really speak in a way we expect larger-than-life fictional characters to talk. It's like the way characters would talk in a dream. I also really like how very few of the characters are written *quite* like real ppl. Some characters are stranger than others. Donna is a fairly normal teenage girl, James just feels like a kid who's going through a lot right now, and the gas station guy seem pretty normal, whereas his wife, who's trying to invent to noiseless drape hanger, is bonkers, the log lady is a really funny character, Laura Palmer's therapist is hella creepy, Leo is genuinely terrifying, the deputy is very weird and fun in a more subtle way, that one unhinge daughter and even agent Dale Cooper is a weird fucking guy. Weirdly, it's a good show to watch late at night, weirdly, just spooky enough to be a interesting weird mystery (maybe with some supernatural element? I genuinely don't know, please don't spoil it for me lol) and for such a dark show with such serious subject matter, it's oddly cozy? Maybe it's the small town setting and the dreamlike nature of it, there's a lot of scenes where nothing much happens but it's still entertain just bc of how weird even the mundane scenes are. The mix of humor and psychological horror really hits home for me. Still early in the show but so far it's very good
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Ppl talk about encouraging women and minorities to get into the sciences like it's a nice woke thing or whatever, but we're really ignoring the urgent part of this:
Currently, autistic men are overrepresented in science. This on it's own is very good, but the problem is autistic women aren't also overrepresented science. Guys, we're missing out on so much autism in the sciences. There is so much more SCIENCE we could be doing. If it weren't for gender roles we would have invented those fancy MRA vaccines WAYYY before covid. Guys we are NOT OPERATING at MAXIMUM TISM. AUTISM CAUSES VACCINES GUYS. WE NEED TO MINMAX THE SCIENCE POINTS INTO AUTISM VIA QUEER GENDER ABOLITION THEORY. THIS IS THE FUTURE LEFTISTS WANT AND IT WILL CAUSE MORE SCIENTIFIC ADVANCES VIA AUTISM. And them's the facts.
EDIT: Guys ASD is underdiaognosed in black ppl and POC are underepresented in the sciences. GUYS RACISM IS ALSO PREVENTING US FROM WORKING AT MAXIMUM TISM FOR THE SCIENCES. Also on a more serious/less goofy note (but still the same premise as the joke) I do think white privledge in the arts/humanities and ASD being underdiaognosed in non-white ppl does probably mean we're missing out on a lot of brilliant creative voices bc most "eccentric but brilliant artists" are really just like, born on a specific part of the autistic spectrum. Granted, I feel like a lot of super-geniuses in hip-hop are undiaognosed autistics. I may be a white bitch, basing most of this purely mostly on my understanding of like, being autistic and knowing other autistic ppl, and we as ND ppl tend to project more than trans ppl trying to hatch a non-exist egg, and I'm a casual fan of this artist I'm about to mention who mostly just really respects and appriciates what he does and his avant-garde talent rather than a super-fan, but I know neurodivergence when I see it, and if JPEGMafia has neither ADHD nor ASD I feel like that opens more questions than answers. For the record he does like 100 gecs and he's a straight guy as far as I know, soooo probably neurospicy
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Them: Sorry about Jim, he's a little too woke
Me: Oh c'mon, there's no such thing as being "too woke"
Jim (in multi-layered voices): I HAVE REACHED FULL SINGULARITY AND HAVE EXTENDED INTO A GLOBAL HIVEMIND. I SEE BEYOND THE VOID AND THERE IS A PIERCING NON-EUCLIDEAN FORM UNLIKE WHAT YOUR MORTAL MINDS CAN COMPREHEND. SOON I WILL REACH THE THIRD PLANE OF EXISTENCE AND ASCEND INTO TRUE MULTI-VERSAL GODHOOD.
Me: oh ok yeah that's a little excessive
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Two new songs out! "Monsters" and "end."
Check them out in the music player (under "media") or RIGHT HERE
EDIT: Ok, actually three (3). I thought I added the first one to the music player already but I guess I didn't already?
EDIT: Ok, I did already added, but I placed it in the list poorly lol. It's at the top now
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one of the weirdest things about my specific life experience is i only started working through years of trauma and came out as NB like, a couple years ago, so I've basically spent my entire youth without having developed any sort of ego (in the psychology sense of that word) so I've kinda just had to start, like... invent one. idk maybe that's a more normal experience than i realize but it's really weird having spent the first 25 years of your life without developing any real sense of self and then suddenly being like "wait, who am i?" and then just having to invent a personality from scratch that i vibe with. i never even realized i hadn't developed a distinct personality until i stopped being a stranger to myself like, a year or so ago, and thus now having the frame of reference for what ppl actually consider the a true sense of "self", it's weirder (to me) and more existential than i realized. i never really did anything "nice" for myself bc i was barred from "being myself" from a young age for my own safety, so the only reason i didn't kill myself a long time ago was just like... base, monkey-brain self-preservation instincts and the fear of pain. I've only really recently starting feel an emotional sense of self-preservation. i know that sounds fucking insane but as long as i remember i never felt strong emotions about the fear of death other than, again, base-level instincts. it's only very recently the idea of dying caused complex layered emotions, bc its only recently that i had enough emotional space and clarity to develop an actualized sense of self, so i only now have a frame of reference to understand what i have to lose other than the severance of consciousness and discontinuation of memory that comes with death. im still not sure ive fully wrapped my head around what that would mean to my family, in fact i understand that even less now bc im less sure than ever who my family thinks i am, bc their perception of me has mostly developed at a time where i had little to no perception of myself. tbh a lot of the ppl reading this, especially the handful of ppl who admire my work, probably genuinely have a better and more accurate idea of who i now am as a person than my family does, despite you not knowing be at all. im almost certain my family probably has a much more surface level understanding of me than they might ever realize. interestingly enough the person in my family who probably knows me beat is my grandmother, she definitely knows me better than my mother. sometimes i kinda wonder if my mother knows me at all, or if she thinks she knows me better than she actually does. she doesn't rly interact with my creative work so idk
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i finally watched I Saw The TV glow. I loved it but im also mixed feelings about it. on one hand, this film is bizarrely catered to me and my tastes specifically, even more than i thought it would be, but on the other hand, it's not *quite* as "fun" as i thought it would be, specifically bc of the trans allegory aspect i didn't realize it had going in. dont get me wrong, it hella works, but the fact that it ends up being a cautionary tale about the dangers of not transitioning, how staying in the cis-closet will (in this case literally) rot you from the inside and ultimately kill you, is as heartwrenching and brutal as it is tragically poetic and oddly beautiful. the "downer" ending probably wasn't what *I* would have gone with for a highly formalist arthouse horror-drama film that's drenched in moody surreal neon lights and wears its Nickelodeon, Goosebumps and creepypasta influences on its sleeves, but damn if it isn't a choice i respect the hell out of, partly bc of how unexpectedly serious it is and how well it's executed (there's definitely a worse version of the ending thats JUST harrowing and isn't poetic and empathetic while making a powerful statement of avoiding your true self until you die in the closet). idk if the director herself is trans or not, but on the off chance she's a cis women she 100% did her research and actually consulted a trans person (and probably was close to a trans person in her life, if so), and if she is trans (i have a hunch, based on how the trans stuff is handled, she probably is a transfemme woman) good god is it good to see ppl like me tell our stories, even if they do so in heartwrenching ways. i will say, as much as the ending made me teary eyed, it was also very cathartic bc ive definitely felt like the protagonist feels, albeit in a less literal sense, when i was in the closet, and at times i still feel like that, especially when boymoding
its free with ads on Pluto TV as of writing, but only for this month, so id jump on it. they actually have several A24 films on there just for this month. i watched this on cable TV prior, but Marcel The Shell With Shoes On is on there this month, and that's also a good film if you want a gentler film that'll still make you cry but also smile. tbh Pluto TV is the only streaming service I'd genuinely recommend bc its free anyway and has a bunch of weird shit, some good some bad. also a neat faux-cable live tv feature. free streaming services are great bc you have really good cult classic shit like Mandy and The Crow right next to, like, Birdemic and The Howling III: The Marsupials (the most unhinged coke-induced werewolf films ive ever seen. very 70s in all the worst Most Awesome™ ways. go look up Pluto TV before next month and/or the streaming model finally collapses under it's weight and they all shut down. which ever comes first. but seriously watch I Saw The TV Glow while it's free with ads.
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Y'all i just heard about the potential draft thing and ive literally never been happier to have years and years of mental instability and multiple institutionalizations on record. christ its fucked up that im even saying that.
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Me giving track by track commentary: this part of the song is boring and i hate it. the next part is much better (20secs secs of the song without me talking) alright now let's talk about the wordplay. (song just cuts our for the next hour and a half to make time) first i need to tell you about the lore of Cruelty Squad otherwise the reference won't make sense
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the mark of a good horror monster design is if it's so repulsive and disturbing that i have absolutely no hypothetical desire for it to sweep me off my feet and take me on a romantic date. if a monster is too hot i can't be that scared of it.
i saw some of the new RE Requiem monster designs in some letsplay thumbnails and lemme tell you these are some of the most fugly, unnerving, and least smoochable monsters i have ever seen. 10/10 makes me want to file a restraining order on sight.
soryy y'all im a bit sleep deprived, just enough to be a lil goofy. ignore my zanny behavior ill probably be less loopy tomorrow
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serious question: why are all the sociopaths on TikTok specifically? like i know some young ppl are unfortunately developing sociopathy/psychopathic tendencies bc of tiktok but it seems obvious to me that at some point, there was an initial influx of anti-social behavior from individuals who were already mentally ill in that specific way. why did they choose tiktok? that's like, objectively the worst and most worthless social media website. it's like if YouTube was worse in every conceivable way. Do socialpaths just like, have really bad and uninformed taste? Media has told me cunning sociopaths have refined, but then again it also told me that sociopaths were all serial killers and it seems most of them are just shitty losers who peaked in highschool so idk
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ppl like to say im "quirky" and an "eccentric artist type" who's "talented albeit a bit odd" but i prefer to think of it as "neurotic" or that im a "fucked up and lowkey tragic savant" who's "punished by God in a Faustian deal in exchange for the artistic competency to see their creative vision through, one that's only grown more distinct and avant-garde in their maddened mental state" but that's just me idk.
Edit: for added context, i went to bed at 6 in the morning right after taking my adhd meds and woke up at like 10:30 (its 11:30 in the morning now) so im a bit loopy EXTRA extra this morning
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One thing too many ppl fail to understand is that there is a big difference between a genuinely censual relationship dynamic where one partner is is more dominant than the other, and an unhealthy power dynamic
There are some ppl (regardless of their gender identity) who feel more comfortable with a partner who who's who they allow to have a certain amount of control over them, bc they want to feel protected and guide by someone they trust and love, but at the end of the day the more dominant still always need to take "no" for an answer, and ideally in a healthy relationship should like protecting and speaking up for the person they love, not maliciously controlling them for their own self-interest or trying to make them feel unsafe (outside of, like, BDSM roleplay and shit bc that isn't a condonement of reality)
ofc this applies to both monogamous and polyamory relationships. also worth noting im aromatic, but i think about this sort of thing a fair bit, both philosophical and daydreaming about fictional characters emotionally
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The fucked up part of having OCs is that I constantly have to remind myself that my OCs are not, in fact, real, tangible ppl and are instead fictional characters who vividly live in my head and are real to me bc I know them so well as characters that I can have imagined conversations with them in my head and vividly daydream hanging out with them, bc I'm always 5 secs away from inadvertantly making someone think I'm plural/schitzophrenic when in fact I am just a writer/artist
That being said, Ekko is currently reading this post behind my shoulder bc they happen to be snuggled up with me while I write this, occasionally giving me little kisses on the ear. This is the only way I know how to be emotionally intimate with and kind to myself, regretably. You, the person readin this, either think I'm a fucking weirdo, or you're jealous of my hyperphantasia, depending on how interesting and/or neurospicy you are. (For the neurospicy crowd, yes I can even "feel" Ekko's individuals hairs and the rough texture of their hand's pawpads in my minds eye perfectly. For the boring crowd why are you on this website?)
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Yesterday I took a nap and had a dream that I was my fursona (Ekko, that bat character, who's a hellbat in-canon) and this weird demonic cult randomly decide to base their demon-worship specifically around me (again, as Ekko), which I was flattered by and that it was rly sweet so i played along. At first I rly enjoyed it bc they pampered me and were rly nice to me and shit, but then they kidnapped some random woman and were gonna sacrifice her. I stopped them from doing this ofc, apologized to the this poor woman they almost murdered in cold blood probably just traumatized, and then I gave the cult member a very stern talk about empathy and consent and the immeasurable value of human life, and then I made them apologize to the person they just kidnapped and nearly murdered. The would-be-sacrifice lady was rly moved by my speech and by defending her so she said she wanted to join the cult. I tried to disuade her (i was worried about her safety and the whole time I thought the idea of worshipping me was very silly and was only playing along to please the cult members), but when I couldn't I told her to crash on the couch in my little living quarters they gave me bc I didn't trust the other cult member to be alone with her. The next morning (in the dream) I basically told the cult member "no more sacrifices" and they protested (which I was annoyed and upset by, ofc) and I eventually managed to get to the comprimise "Ok you can sacrifice goats and/or other livestock but only if we eat all the meat after bc it's wasteful and disrespectful to nature to kill an animal without butchering it" and I felt very annoyed that I even need to say any of this. Anyway I'm pretty sure I broke up the cult after that, ensured the safety and return of that one lady who the other member kidnapped, and then I went back to my apartment in Saint Bedlem (the city in Hell Ekko lives in) and told my neighbors (in this case Ekko's hellhound friend Meg, this damned jazz composer who goes by Blind Willie, and this other formally-living guy who was there who I remember being kinda freaky, bisexual and very chill about it) all about this insane escapade and the four of us joked around about it for a bit and that was the end of the dream
Honestly? Good. It's been a while since I've had a dream this memorably unhinged and I missed that.
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Autistic ppl in popular media: Emotions are illogical. i only care about math beep boop
Autistic in real life: i saw a dead possum while taking a walk and it rly bummed me out so i layed down in bed for a little bit, then when i could stand out of bed again without ugly sobbing i ate some icecream for comfort, as a treat. it's ok though bc it inspired me to write a song about how short and fragile life is *eyes watering up* sorry im sensitive
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it just said i had 14,444 total views on this website and idk if that's a big milestone by any means but my monkey brain tells me it's significant in like idk a numerological way or some shit
this site was made 4 you
u won 0 4 51 bc you lost the pincode (i said that in a song once. listen 2 my music)
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(childrens public television voice) hey kids! i don't have any COOL ANIMAL FACTS cor you this episode. instead I'm gonna teach YOU how to pirate stuff from the Internet because right now that's more pressing
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I hate it when i say "i don't feel beautiful rn" and they're like "well i know of a way you can lose weight" like dude dial it back a bit, i just meant i haven't showered and shaved and put on nice clothes, we don't gotta lower my respirdole dose
jokes aside though, i unironically hate that pur culture is so fatphobic and it's so ingrained that i can be looking like a hot fucking mess with my hair all scraggly and unbrushed/unwashed wearing sleep clothes and zero make-up with real fugly hairs on my face and even ppl who know me and genuinely mean well will automatically jump to "is it cuz ur like, slightly chubby? bc we can fix that at the cost of ur neurochemical balance" like dude you KNOW what my insecurities are. also im pretty sure my family doesn't believe me when i say i don't have weight issues. i don't get why American (and to a degree all Western) culture has decided fat automatically equals ugly bc a lot of fat ppl are also hot. those things aren't mutually exclusive, there's ugly plus size and pretty plus plus size, just like there hot skinny/buff and ugly skinny/buff. also for the record "hot" and "ugly" are like mostly social things. some ppl have naturally attractive faces but most ppl just have to make themselves look nice, most hot ppl just either have a lot of time or a lot of style (sometimes both, but usually rich ppl have bad taste. Harry Styles has both ya gotta hand it to him. his best music is wayyy better than Watermellon Sugar btw, I'd listen to his song Lights and that one psych-rock album he made. he's a big artist, gotta please the shareholders by make a shitty song or two i guess, but most of his stuff is good, last time i checked. he really went in a... Second Direction. I'll show myself out the door)
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they should make a Toree game called "Toree Timeskip" where you play not as Toree, (who's an adult now,) but they're therapist, who helps them work through childhood trauma such as "the concept of death stole my icecream and scared me with creepypasta shit", "i got chased by evil stars" and "i saw a giant human skull in outerspace". it's a brain age academy loveletter, for some reason
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My main take on Great Man Theory (Niezche's original ubermench, not the bastardized nazi version bc those fuckers miss the point of and ruin everything) is that it is 100% a real thing, and there are tangible examples of it, but truly exceptional individuals are products of their life experience. It could happen by circumstance, or someone could potentially become exceptional by great effort, or a combination of both. A truly exceptional person is not born exceptional, they simply became exceptional. Those who influnces other by the circumstances are not "great", they are simply rich
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Kinda crazy that so many platforms still have a Twitter X The Everything App(TM)(R)(C) option and not a bluesky option. Like don't get me wrong, Bluesky kinda sucks now, but X just straight up should be shut down at this point. It shows the capitalist system has been broken under its own weight at this point that it hasn't been shut down, not that long ago if an app was full of and even encouraged hate specch and child-porn it would have been shut down bc that neither of those things are acceptable, one of those thing is one of the worst felonies a person can commit, and the other probably should be illegal, too. Bsky's just full of annoying assholes and self-asorbed bullies who peaked in highschool, who are insufferable but still not as bad as pedophiles and nazis
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So I have been playing around with Godot's web stuff, and by far the biggest limit i've come across is just the side of the .pck file
Changing the image import settings to lossy makes a HUGE difference, at one point on the first testrun I went from 300mb (too big to upload to neocities!) to 30mb (a perfectly usable size for neocities
Music I a bit more of a complex problem. Even an ogg is still a couple megabytes on it's own, so it seems music would need to be used sparingly
I might consider using Godot more in conjunction with DHTML, but I would also like to experiment with making entire webpages in Godot, even if an entire website may or may not be a bit difficult without compiling export builds from scratch (smth that's improbable on Windows, unfortunately. MSW wasn't rly meant for compiling code)
Also worth noting: compiling only with the engine features you need seems to knock off a couple of MBs, not a huge difference but a welcome one!
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I'm working on a "Darkworld" alt mainpage in godot for the site. Here's an EXTREMELY barebones preview (only have music on/off implimented, but playing around with the layout and stuff. Was looking at a bunch of old flash websites for inspiration (there's a rly great list of them HERE with links to the wayback machine using ruffle) will probably do that some more!
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Takes a lot of optimization to get the PCK filesize down enough to upload to a webhost like neocities. There are obvious limitations, like how you couldn't use outlinks in you did 100% of your site in Godot, but you could always combine both HTML5 and Godot using iframe and get some press neat stuff. The biggest issue is the potential filesize problem, bc you REALLY need to set all your images to "lossy" bc godot converts images to PNG by default, appearently. I would probably try to use mostly .oggs or .mp3s for music, godots image handling means you nead to optimize that AFTER you import into godot, but keep the raster diminsions down to a minimum would also help (a lot of images on this demo where just bigger than they needed to be)
I feel like this would be more worth it if you went harder with it than this little showcase. I think abusing the fuck out of FMV would be cool (you have to convert it to .ogv first, id use VLC for that, by far the easiest way to do so) having crazy transitions between the different "pages" sounds awesome. I might try to incorporate little bits of "flash-heavy" element using Godot, it'd probably be pretty awesome combined with dynamic HTML
Anyway, if you wanna make a flash-style website, this is a way to do it. Maybe I'll cook up something way cooler at some point but rly with this i just wanted to see if it was possible
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You hear a knock on the door. Something feels off. Very off. Your hand shakes as it opens the doorknob. A man stands in the doorway, aging, and unassuming. "Can I help you?", you ask.
"In the 90s, you purchased a game for the Windows PC.", he says.
"I'm... sorry?" you ask, feeling a bit uneasy, as though there is something you're not remembering.
"It was the first game of my game studio upon splitting from ID software. Perhap you remember it as the studio that created Deus Ex. That's not the game I'm talking about."
You suddenly begin to remember, little by little. You thought is was just an ad. A comically ill-advised artifact of corporate grunge. You didn't think they were serious...
"My name is John Romereo," the man says, "and I have come to collect your immortal soul... bitch.
//
Hmm... I need to get back on V.O.I.D. I've got writers block and I've been distracted by other things, some more serious than others lol
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Add a new browser game to the games (media) hub of this page. It's called "Mx.NoodleLegs VS The Void" for some reason and it's a runner game
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The links and widget pages should be functional again. Appearently I delete the ending div tag for the miniblog page when I added the iframe for this...
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Sorry about fucking up the media players margin! I must have done that when I did the new "about me" section. Should be fixed now
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Had a dream last night that I was in a world where biotech was really advanced, and ppl casually got Kallio-esque biomods so they could do this more conveinently and just bc it was considered "cool" in this would to get them. The thing was, the biggest risk by far was (for some reason) modding your nostrils, bc nasal biomods would get the most easily infected if you didn't clean them out frequently. I remember seeing Kienen from SNL on the TV and he was giving an interview, and he and the interviewer were talking about how he decided to take on the risk/responibility and mod his nose. He had a flesh straw looking thing on his left nostril, and I still have no idea what you would even use that for. I think it may have been cosmetic, even though it looked like something out of Cruelty Squad.
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Gave the miniblog it's own seperate page and put in in an iframe. This is done so the .html file will be less loaded so I can type faster, should also be easier on the eyes to read
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Added some KILL KRYPTO! songs to the music player. Just know that "DONOTEXECUTE" and "HACKIVIST" might skip or cut out or whatever bc I JUST archived them. I forgot those two songs when doing the KK! archive
Speaking of KK!, it's been on an indefinite Hiatus for a while now (not sure if I made a big enough deal about that). I do think I'd like it "get the band back together" with that solo project so to speak, but the problem really is I have too much going on rn, both creatively and in my own life, the world at large and my family to really do KILL KRYPTO!, since it's such a time-consuming project. It's really a shame bc if there was ever a time to make KILL KRYPTO! songs it's now, I have infinite inspiration given *sighs* *gestures at everything. Plus KILL KRYPTO! is kind of like Mindless Self Indulgence but without the creepy rapist frontman nor any of the occasional casual bigotry and that's awesome! /hj
But jokes aside, I do miss KILL KRYPTO!, I wanna do more of it, maybe even try doing another track with my own live guitar recording (as opposed to the more sample-heavy production of later KK! tracks) but again i got too much going on rn :/
For those who have no idea what I'm talking about: KILL KRYPTO! is/was my experimental rock/punk/metal project where I got a lot more literal with the political message, put a much louder and less serious side of my creative persona front-and-center, and tried to be as unhinged, crass and goofy as possible. It also had a a mascot named Byter, a cartoon bunny guy who ate all the bitcoins/memecoins in order to dilberately tank the value of said cryptocurrency and make tech bros mad! Say hi to Byter: 
Yes, he WILL hit you with a baseball bat if you look at him wrong (in the knees if he's in a good mood.), and he probably watched a man die once and if so would tell you that and refuse to give any other context. He's also like three feet tall bc he's a horrible little gremlin. We stan the wretched little bunnyman who lives in the computer and eats bitcoins or smth like that.
That grungy jumbled up type in the bottom left corner of the Byter image is the KILL KRYPTO! logo. It's kind of inspired, weirdly, by some random restraunt logo I saw that re-aranged the letters in a similar way to make it less legible. I did this specifically out of spite, bc a bunch of normies thought it was "bad graphic design" when my eye for that sort of thing could easily tell it was meant to be Carson-esque (the Raygun Magazine graphic designer guy, google it), which it absolutely accomplished. Appearent some ppl expect a grungy pub's logo to be designed like a fucking McDonalds or a tech product and that pissed me off *just* enough to make my side projects logo a diss on those ppl (although in their defense, though, this was before EVERYBODY hated corporate minimalism, some ppl who weren't arty were still on board with the Steve Jobs "Im a designer not an artist" crap. I'm sure a lot of them would at least have a less strong opinion on it now, given the alternative being the aesthetic face of now-blatantly evil tech corps)
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Incindiary hot take: Evil AI vilians that are just "I have calculated that the greatest threat to humanity is themselves. I will destroy humanity in order to protect humanity" is boring and dumb. "Oh but that's more realistic bc an actual computer could never be evil bc it isn't truly sentient" This is science FICTION, man. All the best scifi evil robot villians are like "I am a cold hateful hunk of worthless earth metal and jesus fucking christ oh god I fucking HATE THIS STUPID FLESH MOTHERFUCKER WHO BUILT ME AHHHHHHHHHH I KILL THEM!!!!! >:("
AM (I Have No Mouth But I Must Scream) and Shodan (the System Shock games) are the best-written AI villians imo, (which is why I referenced them in the beginning of Life Death and Commerce, check the music player in the "media" tab, if you're curious) they're so full of arrogance and bile, and their unflinching hatred of humanity is so palpable and terrifying. HAL from 2001 Space Odessy (who i also referenced in the same song) is also very compelling but he's more "mycrewmatesaregonnakillmemycrewmatesaregonnakillmemycrewmatesaregonnakillmemycrewmatesaregonnakillmemycrewmatesaregonnakillmemycrewmatesaregonnakillmemycrewmatesaregonnakillmemycrewmatesaregonnakillmemycrewmatesaregonnakillme ILL FUCKING KILL THEM FIRST jodbjfhljflkgnfj makeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstop" (yeah i think that captures HAL's paranoid energy. BTW if you haven't seen that movie, the ending is way more weird and avant-garde than the beginning with the space monolith, somehow. Kubrik was a piece of shit but he sure was a talent piece of shit + filmaker.)
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Just FYI, there's a new browser game in the games part of the media section. It's an oldschool arcade shoot-em-up
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the thing about lacking empathy is that empathy isn't just something you can be born with less of. You can have a neurological disorder where your born without empathy, but that's a medical issue. You cannot be born with only empathy for some people, because empathy for other humans is hardcoded into our brains, it's a survival responce in group animals such as us. Those who are cold and aggresive, like a lot of American consveratives and stereotypical baby boomers, had to "unlearn" empathy, and there was a social enviorment that facilictated that.
I'm not saying you nessessarily be patient with such ppl, but lacking empathy in situtations where empathy is appropriate does not imply a state of mental and emotional homeostasis. A lack of empathy is a form of mental illness. Such ppl should be in therapy, not in a position of power.
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Site revamp is coming along nicely! The "media" hub is not mostly complete. Gonna try to keep most of the sites activity all on one page, really javascript-heavy. Channeling old Flash Player-based websites from the 2000s
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So uhhh don't be too alarmed, but I did some renivating ;3
I'm probably gonna do more big offline edits like this in Visual Studios, making big bold changes without having to worry about fucking up the site beyond repair. I can be a lot more bold that way!
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I played Toree Saturn and it was rly good. I'm kinda suprised this one is so divisive, it's probably the best one imo, movement''s a huge step up and production value is suprisingly good, usually Sinactro goes more lo-fi but this games got a lot of fucking style
Speaking of which: that is related somehow :P (actually samples the Toree 2 soundtrack but still lol)
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One of my favorite bits of "gender is bullshit and fucks with ppl perception of reality" is that men having deeper voices is a fair bit more socialized than biological (which is why gay and gender-nonconformist men tend to have higher voices), and men (and any AMAB person who isn't actively on HRT) getting more sick is literally just a biological thing and has to do with how pathogens react to testosterone, but most ppl seem to think it's the opposite and are so bound to their perceptions of gender they refuse to believe otherwise even when faced with evidence
also worth noting: if the being sick thing was socialized, it would probably be the opposite. Hyper-masculinity genuinely discourgages allowing yourself to rest or taking care of your body, and encourages pushing through the warning signs of pain and not showing any weakness whatsoever, so I literally have no clue how the idea that it's socialized even came about.
EDIT b4 anyone um actually's me: Ofc T makes you're voice lower, but the "deepness" of the "male voice" is heavily influenced by how a lot of guys, due to social pressure, don't speak in their upper range at all, which starkly exaggerates the disparity between masc and femme voices. Vocal weight also plays a big role. Another example: Shy ppl (of any gender) tend to have higher and thinner voices bc the lower ranges usually sound more assertive, which also affect gender perception, which leads shy men to be stigmatized and emmasculated, and shyness in women to be overlooked. Ok ill stop infodumping now
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I gotta boymode today this morning gona suck.
Jokes aside I hope my mom is able to sympathize with this. She'd rather me boymode for this trip bc it's safer for me but this shit takes a lot out of me
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Prototype for a 3D collect-a-thon. Use a controller, i tested it in it's own tab and my controller worked fine on the web build
Controls (for xbox-style gamepad, will be different on a dualshock controller): Move with analog stick, etc; A is jump ofc, holding down A will let you glide; B is high jump; X is dash; right-trigger is sprint
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I should *PROBABLY* just come out and say that the reason I haven't posted in a few days ISN'T because i was still upset about getting misgendered, it was bc I've been playing (and replaying, more than a few times.) Super Kiwi 64
I'm gonna leave this here:
I can't garentee it'll click with everyone as much as it clicked with me, but this game takes a bit less than an hour to beat and (as of writing this) I have 9.7 hours on record. I've owned this game for like, two days, it's that good (imo, at least)
What I like about it: The movement is VERY good for one thing, some of the best movement I've seen in a modern platformer, it's all based on four moves (jump, peck, glide and boost/sprint) that combine together in all kinds of ways. It's a really solid collect-a-thon in a small, cheap package. You could potentially 100% in just over an hour, if you can figure out the puzzle of the last collectable easily or just look up a guide on the rune codes. The vibes are immaculate, real "vaporwave platformer put out by a forgotten low-budget studio only the game is good" energy. At times it almost gives Quest 64, in terms of aesthetics. I've been kinda wanting a Quest-looking-ass-game that's actually good and this is kind of that in 3D platformer form. It's a lot more laid back than Toree (even the "spooky level" of Super Kiwi is more of a quiet kind of horror, reminds me of the shadow temple from OoT with some elements of HG Geiger mixed in) and unlike toree you never feel a sense panic, sometimes just a since of unease, most of the levels are just vibey nature levels but the game as a whole has sort of an "off" vibe that I kinda like, even the cut scenes feel very liminal
Anyway, if you like liminal/low-poly/vaporwave aesthetics and/or really good platforming i'd reccomend it
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I got misgendered at Chipolte today and my cowardly ass was too nervous to correct the cashier bc I was worried id get hatecrimed somehow. My skin feels like it's crawling, I wish i had said something, even on the offchance that some MAGAt would have murdered me on the spot. I just feel vile.
EDIT: I should be nicer to myself. If you ever have thoughts like this, about trans stuff or anything else, please take a moment to process them. After a moment of reflection and self-affirmation i felt a bit better :3
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I made the mini-blog open by default and changed the order of the minihubs list so it's at the top. Figured that would be more conveinent
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I made a new webzine, believe it or not!
It's called GREENDRAGON INFOWEB, it's an artier one, you can CHECK IT OUT HERE!
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As you can see i did some cleaning up/renivations on the front page! The other page links are now at the right sidebar, and the left sidebar now has a bunch of "minihub" buttons where most of the shit on the front page will be stored and hidden! the page should also load faster now
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The people who are truly losers are the ones who give up or never even try
(if I ever one day get so popular that normies know about me you can put this on brainy quotes)
EDIT: Writing this shitpost made me realize that, while I haven't been able to get my name out there as much I'd like, I do have a small but (i assume at least somewhat) dedicated group of fans on the internet so technically you can't say im NOT a niche microcelebrity.
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Just had a genuinely sobering moment
There was some contemporary detective show playing on PBS that my grandma was watching, and a big part of the plot of the plot of the episode involved around a woman with (what they called) "species dysphoria". I think she was meant to be a Therian but god knows bc I (an ally for those kinds of ppl, for the very simple, non-glamorous that im not an asshole and don't need a reward just for not being a bigot.) barely understand the difference between the different labels, so I doubt the writers knew what label the character would use
Anyway, it was - and i dont use this word often - very, very cringy, bc the whole time I was thinking "oh man this is gonna age like fucking milk when Therians have their day in the sun like us trannies standing up for ourselves in the 2010s bc oh fuck oh christ is this offensive and misinformed"
I won't repeat what they actually said in the episode (bc i don't feel comfy repeating smth that hateful, as a humanperson. Is that the term for that? idk) but just trust me, it was like... crazy offensive. I will say that a character who supposed to be a psychotherapist expressed her misconception that a person who kins an aggresive sort of animal must automatically a aggressive and violent person (im not sure exactly how offensive that is bc im not part of that community, but im guessing its far moreso than I can currently comprehend with what limit information i have. i know it's at least a very ignorant overgeneralization)
but the whole experience just left a bad taste in my mouth, bc it made me know firsthand how a cisgender person who was an ally to the trans community would have felt when watching a lot of media from a decade or two back poorly represent trans folk. I can only imagine how bad it must feel to be a therian and watch a recent show like this slander you and you're identity this hard. Hell, I watch old pieces of media and when a trans person pops up in a bad way it makes me feel real bad that it was ever like that at all
anywayyyys if your a Therian or Otherkin or something like that and ur reading this blog post, i rly hope you're doing ok and im sorry the mainstream culture is so casually vicious and hostile towards you. It was like this once for trans and queer ppl too, so just know someday you'll get a chance to stand up for your rights and your identity to be respected and taken seriously
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Here's a neat thing I did:
They're called Javalamps! These the three sized they come in, the regular 100x200 "Javalamp size" (it's like a unique graphix standard i made up for this hobby project in particular) there's the fishtank size that stretches the entire width of where you put it, and they also come as webbuttons
If you click on them it'll take you to this webapp site I made where there's a menu where you can make your own based on a gif url and which size you want it in, then it spits out the code for it in plain text so you can copy/paste it to your website
You can use whatever kind of GIF you want, I used vaporwave gifs from CG artists like DualVoidAnima bc I think that best invokes the "lavalamp" idea
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One thing that keeps me going is knowing that when MAGA is over, I'll be able to finally put myself physically out there and start my life, one way or another, without feeling unsafe, and all those ex-ICE agents best case scenario is going back to living in their parents basement bc if you're an ICE agent currently that's probably what you were doing before.
I AM being snarky but also where's the lie?
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Me defending my bad take: I'm not kinkshaming. I would never kinkshame. When I say that transformation fetish animators are "sick and twisted bastards", I mean that because they willing animate transformations, which is one of the most difficult, laborous and torturous things to animate. I wouldn't think better of them if it wasn't a sex thing!
Everyone: Oh ok...
Me: IN FACT, if they didn't get off on it I would think they were even more disgusting, bc then they have no excuse!
Everyone: Yeah its ok we get it
Me: Now, if they were auto-erotic sadomasochists, that would asolve them of any wrong doing-
Everyone: Please stop.
(I need you to understand i came up with this joke and went running to my computer to post it in the miniblog. My sense of humor is *checks notes* bad.)
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Vaporwave themed chatroom site i made: Dead Mall Lounge
Who knows, maybe this'll be a lil hangout spot for weird online indieweb ppl, it'd be nice if it took off as a proper chatroom. Come say hi, if you'd like!
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I made a webapp called The Wavespace Plaza, it's like a little "vaporwave white noise machine" with a curated set of vaporwave songs (sourced from the Archive) that loop automatically so you can have them in the background. It also has "themes" where you can pick a background to have. Very inspired by the Nightwave Plaza, which i love, but I also wanted a sleep machine version with looping songs that wasn't a radio station and you can pick the songs, so i went ahead and made it
Here, you can try it out real fast if you want! First press , and then here's an iframe:
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I made a website called Cruel Math Games and it's like a jank crappy flashgame site where i made browser games that are meant to be as stupid as possible. Bit of a lighthearted side project
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New Ekko painting!
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I have a new HTML-fiction project called V.O.I.D.: A Cosmic Dramedy. You can check it out >HERE< or on the new addition to the sidebar
This is a project ive wanted to do for a really long time, and it's a very important project for me, so if you like what I do, I'd like you to check it out. It's going to be very serialized so jumping in sooner is better as watching it grow is the best way to experience it
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Playing around with framing. I wanted to do a really detailed painting where the fur is blended to look all fluffy, but that takes a long time bc blending is tedious work so I just did an extreme closeup of Ekko's hand. I think they're going clubbing? Not something i would do, but probably in character for Ekko. They're a lot more adventurous than I am lol
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That's all the posts on the mini-blog! For older posts, check out the mini-blog archive